This situation, according to Lima, is an example of the “escalation of violence”, which occurs when a person becomes the trigger of a more serious problem.
“You received a child abuse and you see that in the act involved others who do not have a relationship. From the neuro-linguistic programming we say that it is a perception dysfunctional, because at that time people do not communicate directly with the situation, but with the perception of that situation,” he says.
The situation can be compared to a football match, where one participant yells at the referee, are recorded clashes and hear the swearing. “The fact that it appears as normal, and the majority of people act within the norm,” he explains.
When registering this type of cases many people act according to the climate that you live in the moment, releasing negative emotions. As human beings, we are inclined to react, says the specialist. But these behaviors are poorly reflective and only build more anger, which may prolong the conflict.
Drivers commonly experience these emotions when they are fighting for a parking space, when someone touches the horn excessively, or also when you are caught behind a driver who perceive slow.
What can we do to handle these cases?
–Awareness: In the first place, we must understand that a traffic jam or a fight between drivers, are the situations that today have been normalized, and, therefore, we must try to deal with conflict patient and consciously.
–Information: When we are immersed in these situations, it is advisable to seek information that leads us to the problem and check the possible output. “I realize that I am in a situation of unemployment, and find appropriate information”. This will allow us to manage our time and look for a way out.
–Breathing: If the problem spreads, it is normal that some people agitate and speak out in a loud voice. “This is known as the circuit of stress, caused when we accelerate the heart rate, and we raise our blood pressure”. To achieve the tranquility, you can practice conscious breathing, which means to aspire, and feel the air filling our lungs, as if we were relaxed at home.
–Adaptation: the greater the problem, the greater should be our ability to adapt. If we took half an hour to get to a destination, and now it takes us two hours, we can accept the new time, and adapt to it, to search for new alternatives of solution in time to get to wherever we may go.
Otherwise, we run the risk of feeling anxious, thinking that “we would have been able to reach in 30 minutes” to a place which is still not arrived.
“The anxiety has a dissociation in time. That is what happens, imagine a situation in which it is not, however, want to achieve,” explains Lima.
–Control: perhaps the most important of all behaviors is the attitude of control that we can come to manifest in the midst of a chaos vehicle.
Even if we attain a state of tranquility, you can register external situations unexpected, like a driver approaching us disturbed. “Not because one is in that conscious state the whole environment is going to move as well”.
In these cases it is advisable to have various responses, such as lowering the glass when someone is about to apologize to clear up the problem, ask if he has done something to annoy the other, and, in consequence, adjust the way of driving.
In this context you can also decide to listen to the music that you like, avoid eye contact, give an appropriate space to those who are attacked so that you can browse, or download from the other door and talk to a prudent distance.
“The problem persists when there is impoverishment of options in the answers. The more answers you have, the more chance you have to control a situation,” he said.
–Learning: Usually, the first thing that we look for when we pass through these situations is to forget, to stop thinking about what happened and move forward. Where possible, we must not only seek to let go of an experience, but also to remember it and keep it in our memory to be able to extract from it a learning.
What learning can I draw out of a fight? We should take a moment of our day to think about how we would have been able to fix the time to which, in the future, we can apply the solution and do not commit the same mistakes.
“The situations of violence we can look for the positive intention you have with respect to us, and find them as opportunities to help us better manage our lives when we are out of the home,” remarks the specialist.
This learning is not in the shutdown, from the fear, or locked in our houses, but from the conflicts that we live and prepare us to face the difficulties that might arise when we are in relationship.
–Empathy: The driver can also handle the situation trying to be placed on the skin of other drivers, because they are so much more capable of understand your behavior, stay calm and appreciate your situation through the understanding.
Reached this state, we can even help the other to overcome a problem, because if we do not try to understand what happens, we will not know what to feel, and to make a claim for your driving, you can reach to get upset because we are in their shoes.